Monday 31 October 2011

Walhberg Guess Who...


To celebrate the start of the second series of Blue Bloods, which features Donny Wahlberg as Danny a maverick NYPD detective, Guess Who have brought out a special edition of their popular board game based on the Wahlberg family. Wahlberg Guess Who features Wahlbergs such as..

Wahlberg number 12 in series Donald Wahlberg...




Currently estranged from his famous nephews Mark and Donny. Donald lives and works in Boston as a DHL delivery man. He shuns the more traditional DHL delivery van in favour of running from delivery to delivery across the city on a daily basis and has to date delivered more parcels than any other DHL delivery man on record. Donald Wahlberg is always available for emergency deliveries. Donald lives with his pet dog Alfred and enjoys making scale models of famous bridges from lolly sticks in his spare time. 





Wahlberg number 23 in series Malcolm Wahlberg...



Currently estranged from his famous Wahlberg brothers Mark and Donny, Malcolm lives and works in Boston as a Food safety inspector. Malcolm prefers to travel around the city by running from inspection to inspection and carries out more inspections than any other food safety inspector on record. He is always on call for emergency food safety inspections. Malcolm lives alone and enjoys contemplating real life mysteries in his spare time.





Wahlberg Guess Who available from all good retailers now at just £9.99!

Saturday 29 October 2011

Tales From The Biscuit Tin... (No. 1 in series)




A cautionary tale from the biscuit tin today... On April 1st 2011  I selected a digestive biscuit from the tin. "A dull 
biscuit" I thought "No danger of the moreish-ness attached to the bourbon or the hobnob. Yes I am safe with a digestive" A few seconds later I had a crumb in my eye, as you can imagine a very painful experience indeed! Who could have predicted the dangers of the digestive? What is their plan exactly?! To impair my vision so I can't find the biscuit tin... That won't stop me. Nothing will stop me eating biscuits till there's no biscuits left!! Heed my warning....


Beware of the Digestive!!!

Thursday 27 October 2011

Brian Pippin Investigates...

Brian Pippin
Let me introduce you to Brian Pippin. Brian is a young man who runs his own business - Brian Pippin Private Investigator. Brian has cracked 3 out of 3 cases to date, giving him a solve rate of 100%. Brian puts this down to his logical thinking, ability to solve a puzzle quickly and of course because Brian Pippin Private Investigator is.... The Master of Disguise! Brian is a man of a thousand faces and has the ability to blend into his surroundings like a human chameleon. Have a look at the pictures below and see if you can spot Brian. You probably won't because Brian Pippin P.I. is... The Master of Disguise!




Where's Brian?

Can you spot him?




If you have a case you would like Brian Pippin P.I. (Master of Disguise) to crack please give him a ring on 555 - 01345. No case too tough no mystery too mysterious!


Wednesday 26 October 2011

What I would do if I were on X Factor and some Frankie Cocozza related crimping...


Frankie Frankie they make you look manky.
Frankie Frankie your legs they look too lanky..
If those trousers get tighter you'll be in for a shock
They'll squeeze your legs to nothing and you'll end up with no... legs!

Ohhhhh Frankie Frankie they make you look manky
Frankie Frankie your legs they look too lanky!
If those trouser's get tighter it is going to get silly
They'll squeeze your legs to nothing and you'll end up with no.... legs!


I will never be on X Factor. I don't really like singing, but what I do like is shouting at the telly as to what I would do if I were on X Factor.

Here is a list of what I would do if I were on X factor...

1. I would say "No I shan't wear those trousers. I think they may belong to a small child. Sure my legs are skinny, but squeezing them into these clingers will only serve to highlight their narrow appearance and make this already ridiculously large barnet look larger!?" Now it could be there was a mix up backstage and Frankie's trousers somehow got muddled with the big faced girl from Rythmix, hers also seemed rather ill fitting and a bit wacky. Or maybe it was a prank. I don't know if trouser swapping is something the youngsters are into in between tweeting and gobbling chips like crazed seagulls, but there was definitely something afoot in the trouser department that week. I think Kitty is on the right track, point blank refusing to wear any trousers from week to week. She is happier in her pants than having legs like pipe cleaners!

2. I would not allow them to talk about my personality for a longer duration each week than I spend singing throughout the whole contest. Poor Sophie's nice quiet personality has now developed a personality of it's own, which one journalist described as feisty, and leaves me with the fear that the shadowy figures behind X factor (Cowell) are setting that poor girl up for mental health issues in the future. But then again they have given her a lovely fringe so it's swings and roundabouts really. The judges should spend less time talking about her personality and more time choosing her a nice hat to bolster/replace her personality as per Ricky circa 2009.

3. I would not allow them to make me sing Purple Rain. Purple Rain??... again!.. really!? The Purple Rain again falls mainly on the ears of disgruntled X factor viewers! After Misha B's rendition I had to visit my local GP who has diagnosed me to be suffering from PRRPS or to give it it's full title Purple Rain Related Pain Syndrome. I know what you're thinking... OMG PRRPS PMSL! Its no laughing matter I can assure you. "No" I would say if I were on X Factor "It's rock week and I am going to stick to my guns and sing Slide it in by Whitesnake!"


Fontaine's suggestions

Why not try replacing the word "leg" with the word "Frankie." As in "My Frankies are a bit cold this weather." or "Aw man I've just dropped gravy down my Frankies!"

Or...

In a dramatic situation why not try diffusing the tension by replacing cursing with a full blown "Frankie Cocozza." As in "What in the name of Frankie Cocozza are you doing here??" or "What the Frankie Cocozza is Frankie Cocozza wearing on his Frankies this week??"

Monday 24 October 2011

The Story of the Weetabix Man (Soon to be a major motion picture!)

Driven mad with jealousy at the success of Oatibix the Weetabix Man goes on the rampage!
Will nothing stop the wheaty whirlwind of destruction!?

Defeat of the Weetabix Man ensues! But who has put a stop to this Wheat based terror?

Milk!! Our hero!