Tales from the Biscuit Tin: No. 4 in Series... The Jammy Dodger

The Jammy Dodger - I wonder if he considers himself at home now he's behind bars.

A crime based tale from the biscuit tin this week with the story of the Jammy Dodger, who was recently apprehended by police for pick pocketing on the streets of London. Upon his arrest it emerged that the Jammy Dodger has been the leader of a gang of criminal street biscuits who have been targeting the pockets of Londoners and visitors to the nation's capital for years. The arrest of the Jammy Dodger followed an undercover operation by Scotland Yard where one of their officers Cadburys Twirl was initiated into the nefarious activities of the criminal gang. The Jammy Dodger was heard to remark upon sentencing "What's to happen to the likes of me? Just trying to make a dishonest living for himself." 


But the story doesn't end there... There has been claims of a second shadowy figure in the biscuit underworld who is really behind the biscuit based pick pocket gang. The Jammy Dodger didn't give up this crummy character to the police but an anonymous source claims the biscuit really behind the crime spree is a Mr Fig roll, who instructs the young biscuits to steal in exchange for a tin over their heads.


However, the mention of this villainous fig roll hasn't changed the fate of the Jammy Dodger who has now been put behind bars for his part in this crime caper. 


An Excerpt of the recording from the wire worn by the undercover officer Cadburys Twirl...


[DODGER (spoken)]
So, Cadburys Twirl, you're coming with me.

[TWIRL (spoken)]
Are you sure Mr. Fig Roll won't mind?

[DODGER (spoken)]
Mind?!

[DODGER (breaks into song)]
Consider yourself a cookie
Consider yourself one of the confectionery
We'll make a cuppa tea so strong
It's clear your going to get along
Consider yourself well in
Consider yourself one of the biscuit tin
There isn't a lot to spare
Who cares?..all of the biscuits share!

Consider yourself dunked in
We don't want to have no crumbs,
For after some consideration, we can state
Consider yourself
one of us!

Danny Dyson celebrates International Womens Day...



Supporter of womens rights and self proclaimed feminist Danny Dyson



International Womens Day which aims to both highlight the struggle for equal rights and celebrate the achievements of women across the world has come a long way since it's launch in 1900.  It has many celebrity supporters but non more so than celebrity hardman hoover Danny Dyson. Danny stated "I love women. I was brought up by women. My mum was a woman. Women are just a massive thing for me."

Danny Dyson, who has made his name appearing in films as characters that are hooligans and criminals, feels he has been typecast for too long as a hardman. However, he is confident that his next role, playing an abusive serial killer, will change all that.

He said: "I play this serial killer who likes to kidnap women, abuse them and then kill them."




Fontaine says: Happy International Women's Day readers! In all seriousness it is an important day in the calendar and important to remember that although women have come a long way in the last century there is still a lot of work to be done to ensure global equality for women and to put an end to violence against women. To which my blog has contributed exactly nada! Be sure to read up on some proper coverage of this important issue!