Geese Police - No. 1 in Series...

Have a gander at the newest member of Police Scotland...

Police Scotland are set to launch trials of a new crime fighting strategy that will see squads of angry geese keeping the peace on the streets of Glasgow. As a result of rising crime rates Glasgow's police force has felt under increased pressure to tackle violent and anti social behaviour leading to the recent decision to launch the geese police. There are hopes that this scheme could slash crime figures by up to 53%

The geese will be kept hungry and gaggles of the furious feathered crime fighters will be released at crime hotspots to round up troublemakers with honking, hissing, the flapping of wings and possibly the pecking or biting of offenders.

Critics of plans to police Glasgow's streets with angry geese have labelled the scheme "preposterous." and "bird brained" However, the Chief of the Geese Police - Goose handler Inspector Featherbottom is confident that the initiative will keep potential criminals in check. The Inspector recently enthused "Angry geese patrolling Glasgow's streets is the ultimate deterrent to criminals. The geese will operate a zero tolerance approach to violence and anti social behaviour and will attack those who overstep the law."

A similar initiative "Los Gansos Policia" was launched in Madrid in 2011 and has seen crime rates plummet in the Spanish city. The Geese Police will start patrolling Glasgow's streets later this year.

Tales from the Biscuit Tin: No. 4 in Series... The Jammy Dodger

The Jammy Dodger - I wonder if he considers himself at home now he's behind bars.

A crime based tale from the biscuit tin this week with the story of the Jammy Dodger, who was recently apprehended by police for pick pocketing on the streets of London. Upon his arrest it emerged that the Jammy Dodger has been the leader of a gang of criminal street biscuits who have been targeting the pockets of Londoners and visitors to the nation's capital for years. The arrest of the Jammy Dodger followed an undercover operation by Scotland Yard where one of their officers Cadburys Twirl was initiated into the nefarious activities of the criminal gang. The Jammy Dodger was heard to remark upon sentencing "What's to happen to the likes of me? Just trying to make a dishonest living for himself." 


But the story doesn't end there... There has been claims of a second shadowy figure in the biscuit underworld who is really behind the biscuit based pick pocket gang. The Jammy Dodger didn't give up this crummy character to the police but an anonymous source claims the biscuit really behind the crime spree is a Mr Fig roll, who instructs the young biscuits to steal in exchange for a tin over their heads.


However, the mention of this villainous fig roll hasn't changed the fate of the Jammy Dodger who has now been put behind bars for his part in this crime caper. 


An Excerpt of the recording from the wire worn by the undercover officer Cadburys Twirl...


[DODGER (spoken)]
So, Cadburys Twirl, you're coming with me.

[TWIRL (spoken)]
Are you sure Mr. Fig Roll won't mind?

[DODGER (spoken)]
Mind?!

[DODGER (breaks into song)]
Consider yourself a cookie
Consider yourself one of the confectionery
We'll make a cuppa tea so strong
It's clear your going to get along
Consider yourself well in
Consider yourself one of the biscuit tin
There isn't a lot to spare
Who cares?..all of the biscuits share!

Consider yourself dunked in
We don't want to have no crumbs,
For after some consideration, we can state
Consider yourself
one of us!